Time, paperwork, money and more time.
Those are key elements when having a relationship with someone that is not American. Since the beginning of our relationship my Marine and I had the talk about who was moving in with whom. The chance of him moving in with me disappeared once he got promoted, Warrant Officers can't get in the MSGP or be based in my city. So, it was obvious I was the one moving. But my Marine had no idea of what not being an "American" meant, and even though I told him I couldn't just move in with him he had this naive idea that I could and that we just didn't know how to.
There are two ways I could move to the States, being the first one risky:
- Apply for an student visa. And with this one comes the money, I have to demonstrate I'm able to pay all my expenses and the school without working. Now shoot me. This one is risky to the fact that he is a Marine and he is constantly moving, what if he has to move? Then what? I'll be in one state and he will be in the other?
- Marriage. Yes, the forbidden word for any woman that really want to get married. Why is that man can't hear that word? They runaway faster than...I was not going to be the one that throw that grenade.
But yesterday my world came apart. While we were talking about marriage (not us but the fact) he said something about "nothing guarantee is going to end that way". And that was it, nothing of what he wrote afterwards trying to explain himself was good enough. I even encouraged him to stop writing. I asked him: "what do you mean we are not getting married? I told you first thing if you did not want that then I did not want to be with you, I want to get married and have a family". He said that he did too but that he hasn't proposed to me yet...blah blah and that he had a plan. The plan was very nice, once again if I would have been an American. He was visualizing something like this:
Visit in July
Him moving to his next PDS
Me moving with him
Proposal
A car for me
I CAN'T MOVE TO THE STATES IF WE ARE NOT MARRIED! I did not tell him that, but my thoughts were so loud I think he heard them. I was so so...I don't know how to describe it. It was not mad, it was hopeless, sad. How come he doesn't know it yet? He, we have being both doing research about it, and last time we talked he sent me links about a K1/K3 visas (fiancee or spouse of a US Citizen) so I thought "well, he knows!".
Ladies and gentlemen, he did not. Well to be fair it is not that he didn't, but he is not taking into consideration the timing. He thinks things will just happen at the moment.
If I would have been an American I could just move in with him whenever I want, but I'm not. We could move back to my country where restrictions to move in for Americans are practically none, but there comes the fact that he is a Marine and he can't choose where to live.
I think he saw my face, he felt how I was feeling and began to write (he couldn't talk since his roommate was in the room) about how much he loves me and how much he wants me in his life, but I was destroyed.
Next day, when I woke up I saw a lot of texts messages from him again, telling me how much he needs me. I did not answer, I was sad, sad that he did not (by this time), still didn't understand my, our situation. Then, since I did not answer he began to get irritated and began to complain on how he was writing, telling me, opening his heart and I did not care. I couldn't answer him, I was doing some errands for my brother's wedding, I truly couldn't (or I did not have the words, I was afraid of what was coming next).
I finally wrote him and told him that despite all his love and the plans he had for us it was not enough for me, that for us to be living under the same roof we needed to get married, that I was sorry since it was not his fault but that he needed to know that and take a decision because I wanted/needed to continue my professional career, therefore once I was done with my PHD I wanted to begin working and I needed to be in my "final" destination to do that.
I don't want to tire you with this...it really took me a lot of time to publish this since much was said and I didn't know how to express it well. In the end he told me he can't live without me and that he hadn't proposed because he wanted it to be special for me and he did not want to just do a cheese proposal. He said he will do whatever it takes to have me with him as soon as possible. And he also said:
"Next time just tell me, I some times think I'm doing ok and then PUM! WTH?"
With telling him all I was feeling I took the risk of him ending the relationship; we have been together for almost a year now but for some that is not enough. It wasn't for me when my ex husband proposed. So knowing he loves me enough to take that step makes me realize how lucky I am. IM A LUCKY WOMAN!!!
Lucky is the man who is the first love of a woman, luckier is the woman who is the last love of a man....
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